Death be Not Proud

Since I was 2nd year college, I had earnestly longed for Death to come and steal the breathe from me. It was a very frustrating year. I consider it maybe as the darkest days of my life. Friendship, Studies and everything seems to fall apart. The world I move in seems to be very frustrating. I couldn't accept what I have done and what I failed to do. Losing someone special, being rebellious and being a stranger to your self drowned and dragged me to the bottom of Mariana's trench.

Now, those events are nothing but mere memories to me and everytime I look back at those moments, It reminds me how broken I am until now. Day by day I fought for survival. At the beginning, It was hard to wake up your roots knew you don't find any purpose of opening your eyes at all. My bed became my best friend. My pillow comforted me. "What am I suppose to do today?". "Why do I need to move anyway?". My thoughts pushed me to move on the premise that:: "Maybe If I do walk around I might find a reason to wake up next day?".  Daily , I persuaded myself that the reason could be just around the corner.

Days passed and I'm getting better everyday. I began to rise.  I began to dream again. I began to live once more. But I have to forget who I was and be more resilient for the future. Pieces of trust is hard to regain. A friend of mine said "Ones broken, considered sold.". Yes we can mend the broken glass but you need to pulverize every piece of it to rebuild it ones more.

Until now  I still long for Death to come. I am scared maybe because of watching too much horror films in the past. But maybe, after all, death is like the key to unlock the box that imprisoned me all my life. Today, I just wish that things won't end when it is seemingly perfect. I could only hope for it. Not because of the bitterness I had on Earth but because finally after those bitter days comes a better me and a better joy. :)
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