These past few months, I couldn’t really understand myself. Everything seems to be difficult for me. Everyone around me can’t understand and can’t even think to give a hand and help me stand up. How sad it is.
Most of the time, I would just sleep and sleep and at night I can’t sleep and sleep. I always wake up twice every hour - moving from one side of the bed and sometimes going out of it and sleep on the floor. I would often shout out loud and murmur automatic thoughts loudly. I am disturbed emotionally and my mood
frequently fluctuates. My mind cannot focus on things like a person having Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I am not like this. This is not the Francis I used to be.
frequently fluctuates. My mind cannot focus on things like a person having Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I am not like this. This is not the Francis I used to be.
As I type these words, I relieve the tension that I am having right now. I feel a little bit relaxed as I press into the digit keys in this keyboard. Still, I can’t think of an overwhelming experience that could somehow alter this feeling – this extreme apprehension. I wanted to talk to a friend yet I don’t think that they will understand my situation. They couldn’t take a grasp of it! It really saddens me a lot that it seems its me against the world now. I am even wounded and who will be God’s instrument to ease my pain and my sufferings right now. I am so hopeless and I want to cry over spilled milk! This must be the greatest trial ever that I had encountered my whole life! God is with me! I know it! He will never abandon me!
My studies are failing now and it really pains me a lot. Hard thing here is that I can’t even concentrate studying and reading those theories and assignments on my Major subjects in Psychology. Another major problem, I can’t put my mind and body in tune for introspection for my personal case study. I’m completely to be blotted out of my world today! The deadline would be this August 15 and I just can’t finish it on time. I guess.
I am a real good student but now, my professors label me to be worst. I am not performing well and sometimes, I don’t attend classes. I don’t even listen to our professors when discussing or to my classmates when reporting. What a mess. I was a consistent DL for my whole first year yet now, I feel so frustrated. Can I change everything back? Can I return time? If only I could. I am regretting right now. What a most awful feeling a person could have.
I know there is still hope and God is giving me that chance to make a miracle with what is happening unto me! God is working! I guess I just have to look at what God is trying to tell me with the situation:
ØMany people – specifically students are suffering the same condition and are even worst. They need God’s help.
ØPersevere in everything that I should do.
ØWork things the exact time you are reminded because you may have done it when it is already too late.
ØNever remove God from the picture for the name himself is a powerful weapon that every human being can have.
ØYou can’t expect everyone to go down for you, sometimes; you must rise up for them.
ØPeople around you are not perfect beings. Not all are sensitive to your needs or struggles. You must not wait for them to help you; you must ask them for some help.
ØListening is better that talking for in listening follows understanding.
ØYou will fail yourself by thinking that you are alone.
ØDon’t depend your strength from the people around you, draw it from God.
ØThe journey to heaven is not a competition; it is how many people you were able to bring with you as you finish the race and how many people you had encourage joining the race and fighting the good fight.
ØWe experience the same situations because we fail to learn what we are supposed to learn.
ØGod first. Never remove God’s place. Never put people over God.
Aside from this messages and realizations, it was for me a blessing in disguise.
vMy parents and I became intimate and more bonded with each other.
vMy classmates were able to deal with me and shared with my struggles. They are like God’s anchoring hand that time.
vMy ates and kuyas in Psychology were very understanding and encouraging and I felt God’s love and comfort from them.
vIt helped solved the problem that existed in langyaw!
vIt made me stronger and it made me a little bit wiser and broad.
vMany people care and love me and are willing to understand me!
The experience that I had was really hard for me to deal with. I am still coping up to this moment. I am hoping and trusting for God to rescue me as I put my faith into action and as I fully rely with the abundance of His blessings! As I pray unto Him, HE will renew me little by little. Everyday is His blessing
My Prayer:
Lord, I truly praise you for your goodness and for your majesty that is far beyond my understanding. Though I am so uncertain with the things that real happening within me – I know your love is enough for me to be certain and secure. Teach me to trust always in your love and in your promises. Create the child-like heart within me and teach me to have integrity and to be more compassionate and loving towards your people especially my family, friends and brothers and sisters in Christ. Mold me to be your efficient instrument, purify me and cleanse me. Make me whole again LORD and mend my broken soul, heart, body and mind. Make me see things the way you see it and make me love you more everyday! I thank you for all the blessings Oh Lord and I am so sorry for my shortcomings. May you forgive and bless me. Let your will be done. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
