Tick.. Tack.. Tick.. Tack.. The sound of the clock seems too loud that it disturbs me. Is it irritating? Not really.. Is it noisy? Not that much I guess.. What time could it possibly be? I really wonder as I continue to lay my body on my bed still closing my eyes imagining what might happen today. Hmmm.. I wonder how Falcon is feeling now after what happened yesterday during our PE class. He has always been good with marathons. It must be very sad that he jumped second from the last after being a consistent on top since 1st year high school. He seems to be really tired and exhausted and worst, very disappointed which is not the usual Falcon I knew. Actually, were completely opposites, ask me why? Can you say Why? LOL.. because He is very enthusiastic and I am not, he is very optimistic and I’m of a pessimist, he’s an encourager and I always tend to send negative electric impulses to the people around me. They even say that I was not worth a friend for Falcon. I just say that only Falcon cared to listen to me and persevered to gain my trust. Slowly, I opened my eyes and saw the lighting sticker luminescence on my ceiling. They’re beautiful. It’s quite a long time since I had noticed their tiny light – makes me think of my childhood days. My room is still the same as usual. There’s a green curtain on the window facing our backyard where before red roses blooms – when mom was still alive - and near the window, it is my studying table. I still have my Pokemon poster right next to the wall at the back of my bed. The house is quite as usual, still cold and seems so alone. Because, truly I am alone since then.. It’s still 3 in the morning. I guess I woke up early for today’s events. I never wished to wake up untimely, but since I have already opened my eyes, might as well review on my to-do-list. Needed to stand from my bed and switch the lamp on my study table. My eyes are a bit blurry, but , I think I couldn’t go back to sleep anymore. I stood up slowly and walked in a dim light. The moonbeam entered into my room. It was indeed beautiful. I turned on the study lamp and sat down, did some circular head motions to energize me up and yawned a bit. I picked up my daily planner and notebook organizer so I can check my schedule. Let me see, hmm…
February 26, 2010 To-Do-List
1. I have to review my assignment in Physics.
2. Create movie presentation. (Note: Group mates might not be able to do the job so prepare as well)
3. Meeting at 6PM for the Science Club.
4. Prepare slideshow for Group Discussion on History Report.
I always wanted things to be perfect. Everything must be set in an array or else I will rip open into anger that will launch lions outside their jungle - out of dread of me. Being a graduating student in high school has constantly been a challenging job for me. I am the School Science Club President, I am an excellent chess player, a debate coach in our prestigious school and I am working in a writing firm on the internet. I don’t have intimate friends to spend my time anyways. I only hangout with Falcon. They always say I’m ostensibly perfect guy and that I am easily irritated when something gets wrong, but, “Hey! I don’t know how to dance. I don’t know how to sing well! Not even competent of playing instruments like the simple guitar?”, I’m not perfect. That’s how different we are with my friend Falcon. I’m just a regular human looking for someone to comprehend me. But seems life has been unreasonable to me. Hey! Life, are you really unfair? Can you at least defend yourself against the case that I am accusing you of?I had always been a trusting person and I easily love strangers and when I met them, we can already call each other friends, but that was before. Now, there seems to be no intimate ones. They can’t judge me; I was always been broken before my cuts were even healed. I love the color green if you ask me, since I am an environmentalist – so fond of nature. I love chocolate cake because it brings me back memories of a special people in my life. Enough of this, I guess I just have to do the laundry.. I moved from my roomto the Washing area and came to pass by our living room, Flashback of those times when my father would tell us ghost stories came into my mind. I felt a piercing feeling in my heart. I turned my head next to the piano where above it was our family portrait. We were all smiling and happy. It’s been a long time since mom died because of an accident. She told me she’s not going to leave me - but she did it. What a promise! She broke it! Now, I’m alone with dad. He’s been so busy ever since mom died. We can only see each other during New Year. Not even Christmas, not even on my birthday nor his nor mom’s nor my aunts or my uncles. An automated teller machine has been my companion for survival. Broken Promises again..
Way back when I was in my childhood, I have a cousin named Joseph. He was the closest relative I ever had. I am so affectionate of him. We would play together in the rain. I can still recall the sweetness of the first drops that touches my face and then the cold water flows down to my neck making me shiver. We would then run on the lawn in front of their house – we would shout and yell out of fun.But he left me when I was grade IV. He said he will never forget me - but he did. I sought the memory of my last birthday together. He prepared a pork barbecue that he himself marinated and cooked. It was mouth watering – when I tasted it, its sweet..and salty.. and a bit sour.. its like life.. it has different taste..but it has also its share of bitterness – as I savored it, on the over grilled part of the cuisine were like the pains, disappointments and darkness that came to my life.The memory is still worth keeping though, together with the broken promises..those were left floating in space.. in the air.. just like that barbecue, I guess life has its own way of mixing things up. Talking about best friends and best buddies, I had.. but I was left behind.. Maia had to move to another city as well as Erik and Lucas who had a fight and they couldn’t reconcile so they had forgotten me as they had forgotten their friendship. I can’t imagine how persevere Falcon is..that he had broken down the walls I made.. He broke my walls of fear, doubt, and my feelings of being left behind and alone. He broke it but it seemingly that I had rebuilt them myself when he entered my core. He keeps on telling me that I should learn to treasure and trust others and I would say to him frankly and clearly, “They’re not like you. You’re totally different. Can you totally assure me they can understand their labeled Mr. Complicated?”, my face under sarcasm because really, I’m mr. Complicated, and he would reply in his soft tone and his very calm smile, “Well, if you try? You wouldn’t know if you won’t. Right?”. We often run through these statements almost everyday and my answer has always been a big “YES” followed by a bigger “I WON”T”. And he would say, “maybe, tomorrow, you might have the courage to try mingling with them. I will ask you again. You might say “your big YES and followed by the BIGGEST Exclamation I would ever hear from you.”. Well, that’s a bit encouraging because that what he really is – a great comrade, a real brother, very positive. We’ve been best friends for almost a year though.. And he had known me even better that I came to know myself.. Weird but so true..
Speaking of a brother, his name starts with J same as my name.. I’m Jerico and his is James.. he’s not living with me since he was still elementary when our lives were completely changed. My aunt Veronica takes good care of him in Davao which is around 10 hours of travel from Cagayan de Oro. I often visit him during holidays and especially during his birthday. He always sends me emails sharing his experiences and I’m happy to hear that he was able to recover from that trauma. Father hated him because he caused mom’s death. It was a sunny day after the regular Sunday mass when we ate together on a restaurant for breakfast. We had our favorite dishes. Dad had his freshly cooked crabs that I really don’t know how to eat it, mom had her seaweed soup which I say ewww, James his squid rolls and a yummy beef steak for me. Even though we differ with our favorite cuisine, we love the same dessert – CHOCOLATE CAKE!!! WOW!! We are a family after all. It would be kind of weird if we were totally different and even though we have a lot of differences – I know they do care.I never thought that after that simple meal, my brother ran across the road. James even teased me that I couldn’t catch him , but I was so full so I just walked along, slowly.. playing that I am ignoring his tease.. I looked at the name sign of the restaurant and there it had read, “Fradens Swing”. It’s colored red with literally having a swing woodcarving on the side and an image of a chef carrying delicacies. Abruptly, I just heard a crashing sound that I never wished to hear again. So painful that not just my ear was in pain but my heart seems to be crushed every time I recall it. It was not good for my eyesight nor should my head have turned away from that name sign. I saw my mother in blood right before a blue sports car. My father screamed my mother’s name, “H-A-Z-E-L”. Everything seems to be in slow motion. I can hear my pounding heart that echoes in my ear. My brother cried and I don’t know exactly what to say or what should I be doing. I’m just a kid. I’m too young to take charge. People around me shouted AMBULANCE! AMBULANCE! AMBULANCE! Nobody seems to care. Everyone was in a state of shock. I can see their eyes turned round and their heads became stiff and having their mouths opened in shock.. If it was a comedy, I would laugh at their faces, but it was a reality show – my mother is in great terror. What will happen to my mother? I can see her white dress made of silk was painted with red. She lost her consciousness. The guard from the restaurant called the hospital. Brandon is familiar with our family since we always eat in this bistro. Few minutes later, I heard the alarming sound of the ambulance. Men carried a stretcher while somebody putted some bandage on my mom’s injuries. I hugged James and he hugged me back as if he’s going to lose me or I’m going somewhere. His tears had soaked my chest together with the outpouring sweat out of that horrid event. As I recalled the events of the past, I felt a burning sensation upon my heart that longs for those wonderful moments. That could not be undone. No one can hold back time, push it backwards, undo everything nor no one can escape what the future brings. We came here on earth not by our choice.. but since were here, we just have to take a look at this wonderful place they say God has set before them.. Is God even real?
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